Re: Dealing with difficult posters on DNL Prime

[Enail]

Mikey, I don't think you're the kind of poster Chickpea means!

Honestly, I think some of them want an excuse to not have to try and something or someone else to pin their feelings on. Some of them just want to argue. But yeah, some are a total mystery!

[Guest]

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Anyway, Andrew, if you wanna continue we can always take it to PMs.

Mikey, I don't think you're the kind of poster Chickpea means!

Honestly, I think some of them want an excuse to not have to try and something or someone else to pin their feelings on. Some of them just want to argue. But yeah, some are a total mystery!

I would hope not. But there are times where I feel like I am despite everyone's best efforts and mine. It sucks!

[eselle28]

<mod>This thread was always a dicey proposition, but if people can keep it to likely one shot posters on the prime site, it can stay open. If people continue to discuss their posting habits with each other, I'm going to lock it. While people have been admirably good at being civil, it's already made some people feel insecure and is eventually bound to hurt feelings.</mod>

[Guest]

So it seems like the people who are most in need of help are, ironically, also the people who are easy to shun.

That's shit.

[Caffeinated]

So it seems like the people who are most in need of help are, ironically, also the people who are easy to shun.

That's shit.

I don't think that's necessarily true. For example the "thinks it's ok to grab a woman and drag her away from her friends" guy mentioned that he has a girlfriend. So basically he was just there to argue and stir up trouble, not to get help for himself.

I would also hope that in cases where someone really does need help but refuses to accept it, the harsh response they get will prompt them to reconsider their approach to getting help.

[The Wisp]

Back when I was BritterSweet and didn't have an IntenseDebate account, I posted a comment somewhere summing up what made me so frustrated with certain posters.  It was about how resistant they were to good, seemingly benign and positive advice on approaching women without violating boundaries.  It basically said, "What do these posters frickin' want?!"

I think they (the one-shot posters who are often banned) basically view themselves as victims in a very deep way because they struggle with dating. They come up with pet rationalizations for why this is the case, whether it be their height, their looks, gender roles, women being EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIL, manipulative alpha males, feminism or something else. What they really want deep down is a validation of their suffering and compassion, but because they concoct these bullshit rationalizations that blame women/feminists/alphas/whatever for their problems, they equate their negative feelings with these rationalizations and won't accept anything that doesn't confirm those rationalizations 100%. Of course they'll never get it because these rationalizations are wrong. So they feel like their feelings are being attacked when they receive benign and positive advice because the advice doesn't confirm their strange theories of their own victimhood. So they get super defensive which leads them to saying horrible things.

That's my theory, anyway.

[Caffeinated]

Back when I was BritterSweet and didn't have an IntenseDebate account, I posted a comment somewhere summing up what made me so frustrated with certain posters.  It was about how resistant they were to good, seemingly benign and positive advice on approaching women without violating boundaries.  It basically said, "What do these posters frickin' want?!"

I think they (the one-shot posters who are often banned) basically view themselves as victims in a very deep way because they struggle with dating. They come up with pet rationalizations for why this is the case, whether it be their height, their looks, gender roles, women being EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIL, manipulative alpha males, feminism or something else. What they really want deep down is a validation of their suffering and compassion, but because they concoct these bullshit rationalizations that blame women/feminists/alphas/whatever for their problems, they equate their negative feelings with these rationalizations and won't accept anything that doesn't confirm those rationalizations 100%. Of course they'll never get it because these rationalizations are wrong. So they feel like their feelings are being attacked when they receive benign and positive advice because the advice doesn't confirm their strange theories of their own victimhood. So they get super defensive which leads them to saying horrible things.

That's my theory, anyway.

I think you're probably right. I wish there were a simple way to give them the compassion they need without having to confirm their (often really terrible) rationalizations.

[jcorozza]

Oh, I think that's how they feel/how they view their problems as well, but what I do wonder is...what are they hoping to get out of posting in a place like this? It does seem like many of them want to come in just to disagree, so that they can feel like they are "superior to the masses".

[Xexyz]

Unfortunately, on DNL Prime, "difficult posters" seems to mean "anyone who isn't in 100% lockstep with everything DNL says."  I mean, not too long ago he wrote an article using some movie characters as a framing device.  I asked if the article would still make sense since I didn't see the movie and thus had no context for his article, and for that I got immediately downvoted.  I also once took issue with a mean comment someone make about another poster's religion and ended up getting into an argument about it that I just eventually gave up on because people started making all sorts of assumptions about my beliefs and background and it became clear that it was pointless to continue.

So while it's obvious there are people who post on DNL Prime with the intent to troll or argue, I think that it's at least partly encouraged by some regulars on Prime who respond in order to satisfy their sense of self-righteousness, and are more willing to argue with trolls because they're on the side of the perceived consensus.

[eselle28]

<mod>All right, it doesn't seem like people can deal with this topic without discussing their own or other Nerdlounge members' posting habits, so I'm locking it.<|mod>

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