Re: Online Dating Rants

by **reboot** Sun Jan 24, 2016 3:12 pm

Hirundo Bos wrote:Mentioned Asperger's maybe too early in a conversation, and Tinder match said that honestly she was a little scared by it... I'm so used to it being less of a deal for others than it is for me. She wants to keep talking though, so maybe it's not that big of a deal. And I did manage to not get hung up on it, to let it be after the conversation had moved on... still, she's the Tinder match I've been the most thrilled about so far, and I have sense she's kinda interested too, or was, and... hope she gets used to the idea. Should probably wait a bit longer before I share.

That is a topic I might save until after meeting in person. People do not always know what Aspergers is or they have a pretty muddled idea. Many may be unaware that they have met people who had it because they picture something different.

by **Hirundo Bos** Sun Jan 24, 2016 7:09 pm

You're probably right about that... I did get the feeling that the images she got when I told her did not exactly correspond to the way I'm usually perceived.

I'm not sure how to avoid it though... it feels like a big part of so many things about myself, and I'm kinda autistically fascinated by it as well.

by Kiskadee Sun Jan 24, 2016 8:12 pm

Maybe you could reveal that sometime when you first meet? That way you could be open about something important to you, while at the same time avoiding misperceptions by allowing her to make an impression of you first.

by **eselle28** Tue Jan 26, 2016 3:49 pm

Hey, OkCupid! I can understand that you got confused when I checked my messages a couple times while visiting family over Christmas. Totally understandable! That was a month ago, though. Can you stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make men there see my profile? I am already entirely aware that I'm highly compatible with many men in Minneapolis. Given that I live ten hours from there, reminding me of that doesn't make me all that eager to log in and check out the guys who actually live near me.

by caliseivy Sat Jan 30, 2016 2:20 pm

I thought the hat and monocle picture was a joke so I clicked. Thought the profile was ok, if not interesting to me. Then get to the bottom and LONG RANT ABOUT MY BELIEFS AND MANY PEOPLE WON'T LIKE ME BUT THIS IS WHO I AM.
Despite the nagging feeling, I read to the second paragraph about masculinity not being toxic, women not being oppressed but actually having it better than men because it's been proven, and I ran from that profile.
Before that was the interesting guy who had a problem with fat women, then the one with political beliefs so opposite mine it couldn't be possible.
I'm starting to wonder if maybe this dating thing isn't going to work for me after all.

by caliseivy Wed Feb 03, 2016 1:13 am

(Sorry to hog the thread but...)

I had a guy who seems ok message me saying I seem cool and asking me three questions, two of which I have no answer for and just keep drawing a blank and now I feel like this whole dating thing was a bad idea and I'm kinda ready to bail out and hide under my blankets possibly forever.

*possible mental breakdown*

by Xexyz Fri Feb 05, 2016 1:27 pm

eselle28 wrote:Hey, OkCupid! I can understand that you got confused when I checked my messages a couple times while visiting family over Christmas. Totally understandable! That was a month ago, though. Can you stop doing whatever it is you're doing to make men there see my profile? I am already entirely aware that I'm highly compatible with many men in Minneapolis. Given that I live ten hours from there, reminding me of that doesn't make me all that eager to log in and check out the guys who actually live near me.

Maybe OKC entered into a business arrangement with Mayflower moving company and this is their way of suggesting you move to Minneapolis?

by Solvi Mon Feb 08, 2016 9:19 am

So, after a round of updating the questions on my OKC profile, I find I've got a message. That's rare. And it's from an account I've never seen before, that's local, and with a high match percentage. That's even rarer.

The message looks like a basic getting-to-know-you affair, asking if I'm employed in a particular industry. It's a yes-no question, so my response is pretty basic -- no, but I used to be, and I still sometimes use those skills to help out friends. I know it's not really a romantic response, but I'm not really sure how to flirt off of a question like that.

And then I get a reply in return, curt and sarcastic. And that throws me -- if my answer wasn't acceptable to you, for whatever reason, why bother to reply?

Some of my friends have huge amounts of luck with OLD, and I have none at all. I wish I had their skills.

by Guest Tue Feb 09, 2016 8:48 pm

This isn't a rant so much as it is an observation, but man are there some... interesting people when you're tryna online date.

Online Dating Rants - Page 4 SN3nI8N

(and yes, im back on okc, I'm veeeery slowly transitioning back)

by **eselle28** Sun Feb 21, 2016 7:02 pm

I've run into about a dozen guys in the last couple weeks who have liked me or sent messages, but who haven't filled out their profiles at all. There have always been some of those, but lately it hasn't been just obviously low effort profiles or cheating married men. There have been a few that have quite a few pictures and who used decent grammar in their one-sentence messages. Is Tinder to blame for this? Because if I wanted to use Tinder, I'd be there instead of OkCupid.

by Guest Thu Mar 03, 2016 2:36 am

OKCs quick match is weird, quit giving me low percentage matches, dammit!

EDIT: this isn't a rant so much as it is me being worried/concerned about being a virgin on OLD. D: I know I shouldn't and I tend not to worry about it much. But there are a lot of the women on OKC that I've seen that have my answer of being a virgin as an unacceptable answer. I understand that they may be more experienced, that's not really a big deal or much of a deal breaker for myself either. But the fact that I'm a virgin is considered unacceptable? Feels bad man. Razz

by **Hirundo Bos** Thu Mar 03, 2016 4:52 pm

Someone on tinder has a picture of herself with what looks a lot like a Kylo Ren lightsaber, but replies with a question mark when I make a reference to it, then follows up with "not a fan of Star Wars" when I explain... and I get the feeling she's annoyed at being asked, in which case I'm not sure why she posed with it. But I could be wrong about the annoyance. Or about the light saber for that matter. But anyway I have a sense that we wouldn't have found much momentum in conversation.

by **eselle28** Thu Mar 03, 2016 7:41 pm

I don't care how often you write me. You don't have anything but a picture on your profile, and none of your greetings have told me anything of importance about you. If I wanted to use Tinder, I'd use Tinder.

by **fakely mctest** Sun Mar 06, 2016 2:08 am

eselle28 wrote:I've run into about a dozen guys in the last couple weeks who have liked me or sent messages, but who haven't filled out their profiles at all. There have always been some of those, but lately it hasn't been just obviously low effort profiles or cheating married men. There have been a few that have quite a few pictures and who used decent grammar in their one-sentence messages. Is Tinder to blame for this? Because if I wanted to use Tinder, I'd be there instead of OkCupid.

I've noticed this as well.

I think more people are using the OKC app as well when it comes to messaging, which can get real old. I'm a technological outlier: Windows phone = not a huge app user. I also really prefer using a keyboard for messaging because I touch type MUCH faster than I could ever use my phone's keypad. I'd like to think that people using in-app messaging to write multiple short messages (somewhere in the neighborhood of 3-5 in quick succession) would be annoying even if I wasn't a cranky Luddite. I'm not expecting to enact the second coming of Abelard and Heloise or anything, just maybe keep it to one message? Each thought does not need its own text environment!

I've also noticed people pushing to meet up basically without ever exchanging even one set of messages. Like I'll message someone asking a few questions and they write back back saying "instead of me answering those why don't we just meet up and I can answer them in person." In the pre-Tinder OKC universe that was a giant red flag. It's less red for me now because things have just changed, but I still get taken aback. Feel like I'm working with fewer data points in my "Is this a jerk?" analysis.

by **fakely mctest** Wed Mar 16, 2016 10:46 pm

Double posting (HOW GAUCHE I KNOW) but I seem to be on a super fun hot streak with people where I'll message them with a couple questions with a couple things about myself woven in just to make it easy to start a back and forth. Nothing of epic length or anything, but all I get in response is answers to my questions about themselves.

And these are instances where either they've messaged me first or we starred each other, so it's not like I'm sending stuff out blind!

I mean clearly I'm not going to follow up on a message that feels like having a conversation with an elementary school aged child. So my tip of the moment is: Conversations should be reciprocal.

I blame text messaging-style dating apps, but I'll be deep in the cold cold ground before I subject myself to texts from randos

by **eselle28** Fri Jul 15, 2016 2:42 pm

Logged in for the first time in a couple weeks, and my first message was this:

Hey you seem like a forward open minded girl and I know it might be brash of me to say this but me and my friend are looking to treat women to the best sexual experience we can give. We are clean and both of complete different age and body type so we can please any interested. We only care for your safety and ecstasy. If you're interested in letting us please you and learn how all different women enjoy their sexuality please text me back at xxxxxxxxxxx if I have offended you I'm sorry and I wish you luck in finding a lasting relationship. Delete this message if not interested

by BasedBuzzed Thu Jul 21, 2016 3:20 pm

"Actually I'm looking for clients."
I don't really mind sugar profiles although I don't put it in my cup of tea, but why state it after 10 messages back and forth on an otherwise generic profile? It just feels like the person's diving into the business while doing zero research beforehand.

by KitKat Fri Jul 29, 2016 6:55 am

This isn't annoying as much asit's just a "Just why would you do this if you're looking to set up a positive interaction?" but opening messages that require more energy to follow up on than to write. Or passive-aggresive ones. @___@. Got this message from this guy I have no memory of: " I've decided to give this another shot. :-)"

...Thanks? Good for you? Are you expecting gratitude? Is there a response to that beyond "Ok."? Almost as constructive as the ones opening with unsolicited critique on my taste in books/movies/comedians.

by Xexyz Mon Aug 08, 2016 10:50 am

Welp, I think I'm pretty much done with OLD. I may or may not "sabotage" my profile by eliminating all the inoffensive blandness that's supposedly all the good profile advice and say what I really think about things. If nothing else, it would be cathartic.

by BasedBuzzed Mon Aug 08, 2016 12:20 pm

If results are crapshoot so far, you really can't go wrong with niche over generic (as long as you distinguish between content and form, e.g. "I don't go out of the house much" versus "I'm best entertained with us on the couch with warm movies, blankets and chocolate").

Also, someone is trying to sell a service on top of OKC implementing those scripts the L.A. guy used to 'hack' it (profile optimizing, auto-visiting). How are they going to make that work for a relatively low user area?

by Amygdala Sun Aug 14, 2016 12:27 pm

Strange how I didn't really remember how many messages need to be shot into the aether before getting a single reply, but so be it.

by Guest Sun Aug 14, 2016 12:39 pm

Amygdala wrote:Strange how I didn't really remember how many messages need to be shot into the aether before getting a single reply, but so be it.

"Just like a blind dick in space, just thrusting in infinite directions, hoping to find pay-dirt at someplace" - Louis C.K.

by Guest Thu Aug 25, 2016 2:52 am

I would just like to say that putting a pic of you on Tinder or Bumble being kissed by another dude is going to turn off any potential buddies/mates/dates (if that's what you're looking for). Ehh who am I kidding said profiles probably aren't real anyway.

by BasedBuzzed Fri Sep 09, 2016 6:19 pm

I need to stop messaging new profiles and start locking down dates on existing convos, or else I end up sending a message every 5 days or so to someone.

by AndytheBro Mon Oct 10, 2016 2:27 pm

So far, so lackluster! I've liked about 30 profiles, and so far have gotten have gotten 5 likes on mine by other people, 2 of those I'm sure are bots.

2 of those likes I posted about on the other thread, with one being in high school (a deal breaker), and the other having nothing in her profile I could work with aside from one commonality, as well as her not bothering to ask me any questions about myself. Also said it was too soon for a coffee meet up even after a kinda lengthy convo about a show we like. Probably just gonna let that one go.

Have sent 6 messages to matches 80 and up (some of them being like 94 and up), only gotten replies from the 2 mentioned above. I know they've read them (thanks to that seen message, one of the worst inventions ever made for my anxiety). There could be any number of reasons why they didn't reply, but maybe my messages were too template ish/ my profile isn't up to snuff/ not enough photos.

Won't lose hope just yet. That comes after more than a month of stuff like this!/s

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